Crazy Liberals Dispute Black is White
By Angus McFinstenpooter
Right-Wing Guest Blogger to The Reasonable Rant
Okay, everybody, listen up. Those nutty Democrats are at it again. This time, they're trying to spin color! As everybody with half a brain (which is less than a quarter of all Democrats) knows, the President last week signed Executive Order # 636 stipulating that, "In accordance with the President's divine Executive Unitary powers, black will henceforth be white and up will be down."
So, duh? What's so hard to understand about that? Of course, if I only had a quarter of a brain like a Democrat then I might be puzzled but because I'm a Republican, I'm 300% smarter and I know better [Does he realize this adds up to 3/4's of a brain?-ed]. Boy, is it sweet to be Right or what?
High-Fives all around, my Right Wing brothers and sisters.
Okay, so, check it, anyway, at a presidential briefing last week, our main man Jeff Gannon put it to the super-cool, uber-press secretary Scott McClellan (my sister sooooo wants to have Scott's baby; I do too, a little bit), he asked Mr. McClellan: "How does the president deal with all the craziness of Democrats claiming black is black? And does it make your job harder?" [Wasn't Gannon banned from future White House Press briefings after it was discovered he was a phony journalist and possible Administration plant?-ed].
Well, you know how diplomatic Scott is, so he was very cool when he answered: "Well, the President understands that some people have a difficult time seeing things as they really are, but he's committed to being patient and making sure that when it comes to understanding that black is white, no Democrat is left behind. The president understands hard work is part of being Commander in Chief."
To which Jeff Gannon/Guckert said: "Cool. Can I have your baby?"
Aren't those guys the best? Wow. Makes me sooooo proud to be a Republican.
Anyway, so on this week's news shows, the Dems tried to spin it that black was really black.
Ted Kennedy whined and boo-hoo'ed on Meet The Press that the Prez (I'd love to have W's baby big-time, it'd be so neat, if only I were biologically able) that the Prez is claiming new powers that aren't in the Constitution and that he can't just turn "black into white."
Dude, what planet are you from? Black is White! It's always been white. What new powers are you claiming he has?
Democrats are soooooooo crazy, you know?
Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
So later that day, I was lounging in my UnderRoos watching Sean Hannity (if I had HIS baby, it'd be so cute!) watching him interview Jeff Sessions, that bad-ass Republican Senator from the Great Red State of Alabama (Roll Tide Roll!) and, well, read the transcript yourself:
Sean (the cutest news guy on TV): How do you talk to someone who argues with you about something as fundamental as color? Do you think there's a fatal disconnect in the Democratic Party as it applies to color?
Sessions: I do think there's a disconnect, Sean. But my Republican colleagues and I in the Senate are committed to working in a bi-partisan way with Democrats in helping them see the real-world fact that black is white. I tell ya too, Sean, that as sure as a tick sucks blood and a liberal sucks welfare dollars, if these Democrats would just understand black is white then they'd be much better at coordinating their wardrobes."
Sean: What about this 'up is up' nonsense? Up is clearly down. But that seems to be a major sticking point and I've heard rumors the Democrats want to launch an investigation, that there's some kind of shadowy conspiracy behind the simple fact that up is down, that this is some sort of deception by the president. How do you respond to talk like that?
Sessions: Well, my first reaction, Sean, is pity. See, I'm a southern man and I grew up in real tough times . . .
Sean: Didn't your father own a store?
Sessions: Yes he did, and it was hard for us as a family to keep product on the shelves to sell to sharecroppers and such because you know how those share-cropper people are about paying their bills. My point, Sean, is that as a southerner, I have a lot of compassion, conservative compassion, and my first instinct with the Democrats not realizing that up is down is to want to give them a big hug and buy them breakfast, maybe distribute some tobacco-lobbyist checks if John Boehner's got any handy, you know to just love them Democrats for how, I don't know, how misguided they are.
Wow. I mean WOW. Is that neat or what? Senator Sessions is the coolest dude, he doesn't even get angry with the liberal pansies for thinking that up is up instead of up being down. Wow.
Is it cool to be Republican or is it cool to be Republican???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
High-Fives all around, my Right-Wing brothers and sisters.
Anyway, I gotta go right now, mom says it's bedtime and I got so excited I poo'ed in my UnderRoos, which is kinda uncool when you're a 46 year-old man, but who cares cuz I'm Republican!
Yeah! High-Fives all around, my Right Wing brothers and sisters!
Anyway, until next time, remember:
It's right to be Right!
Right On!
-Angus McFistenpooter
The thoughts expressed in this posting in no way reflect those of The Reasonable Rant.
Right-Wing Guest Blogger to The Reasonable Rant
Okay, everybody, listen up. Those nutty Democrats are at it again. This time, they're trying to spin color! As everybody with half a brain (which is less than a quarter of all Democrats) knows, the President last week signed Executive Order # 636 stipulating that, "In accordance with the President's divine Executive Unitary powers, black will henceforth be white and up will be down."
So, duh? What's so hard to understand about that? Of course, if I only had a quarter of a brain like a Democrat then I might be puzzled but because I'm a Republican, I'm 300% smarter and I know better [Does he realize this adds up to 3/4's of a brain?-ed]. Boy, is it sweet to be Right or what?
High-Fives all around, my Right Wing brothers and sisters.
Okay, so, check it, anyway, at a presidential briefing last week, our main man Jeff Gannon put it to the super-cool, uber-press secretary Scott McClellan (my sister sooooo wants to have Scott's baby; I do too, a little bit), he asked Mr. McClellan: "How does the president deal with all the craziness of Democrats claiming black is black? And does it make your job harder?" [Wasn't Gannon banned from future White House Press briefings after it was discovered he was a phony journalist and possible Administration plant?-ed].
Well, you know how diplomatic Scott is, so he was very cool when he answered: "Well, the President understands that some people have a difficult time seeing things as they really are, but he's committed to being patient and making sure that when it comes to understanding that black is white, no Democrat is left behind. The president understands hard work is part of being Commander in Chief."
To which Jeff Gannon/Guckert said: "Cool. Can I have your baby?"
Aren't those guys the best? Wow. Makes me sooooo proud to be a Republican.
Anyway, so on this week's news shows, the Dems tried to spin it that black was really black.
Ted Kennedy whined and boo-hoo'ed on Meet The Press that the Prez (I'd love to have W's baby big-time, it'd be so neat, if only I were biologically able) that the Prez is claiming new powers that aren't in the Constitution and that he can't just turn "black into white."
Dude, what planet are you from? Black is White! It's always been white. What new powers are you claiming he has?
Democrats are soooooooo crazy, you know?
Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
So later that day, I was lounging in my UnderRoos watching Sean Hannity (if I had HIS baby, it'd be so cute!) watching him interview Jeff Sessions, that bad-ass Republican Senator from the Great Red State of Alabama (Roll Tide Roll!) and, well, read the transcript yourself:
Sean (the cutest news guy on TV): How do you talk to someone who argues with you about something as fundamental as color? Do you think there's a fatal disconnect in the Democratic Party as it applies to color?
Sessions: I do think there's a disconnect, Sean. But my Republican colleagues and I in the Senate are committed to working in a bi-partisan way with Democrats in helping them see the real-world fact that black is white. I tell ya too, Sean, that as sure as a tick sucks blood and a liberal sucks welfare dollars, if these Democrats would just understand black is white then they'd be much better at coordinating their wardrobes."
Sean: What about this 'up is up' nonsense? Up is clearly down. But that seems to be a major sticking point and I've heard rumors the Democrats want to launch an investigation, that there's some kind of shadowy conspiracy behind the simple fact that up is down, that this is some sort of deception by the president. How do you respond to talk like that?
Sessions: Well, my first reaction, Sean, is pity. See, I'm a southern man and I grew up in real tough times . . .
Sean: Didn't your father own a store?
Sessions: Yes he did, and it was hard for us as a family to keep product on the shelves to sell to sharecroppers and such because you know how those share-cropper people are about paying their bills. My point, Sean, is that as a southerner, I have a lot of compassion, conservative compassion, and my first instinct with the Democrats not realizing that up is down is to want to give them a big hug and buy them breakfast, maybe distribute some tobacco-lobbyist checks if John Boehner's got any handy, you know to just love them Democrats for how, I don't know, how misguided they are.
Wow. I mean WOW. Is that neat or what? Senator Sessions is the coolest dude, he doesn't even get angry with the liberal pansies for thinking that up is up instead of up being down. Wow.
Is it cool to be Republican or is it cool to be Republican???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
High-Fives all around, my Right-Wing brothers and sisters.
Anyway, I gotta go right now, mom says it's bedtime and I got so excited I poo'ed in my UnderRoos, which is kinda uncool when you're a 46 year-old man, but who cares cuz I'm Republican!
Yeah! High-Fives all around, my Right Wing brothers and sisters!
Anyway, until next time, remember:
It's right to be Right!
Right On!
-Angus McFistenpooter
The thoughts expressed in this posting in no way reflect those of The Reasonable Rant.
posted by C. William Boyer at 12:34 PM
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